If you haven't figured it out yet, I don't believe in a god, more specifically I refuse to believe in Christianity. If you don't know where I'm coming from read all of my previous blogs.
I was once a Christian, which actually makes me so glad, cause I've been on that side to understand their way of thinking. The side of, "If you're not a Christian, you're going to hell." How arrogant. I was so hardcore that I believed "faggots" are going to hell cause The Bible actually SAYS that. Crazy right? IN-SANE. Just as with any other religion people can believe what they want. But the fact that people are going to hell for not believing or just because a man wants to love another man, and a woman to a woman, no thank you. Not the god I want to believe in.
And in all honesty... suppose your god is real. Everything in that book, and everything we've heard is all real....I much rather go to "hell" and be there with my brothers and parents than to live this life serving this god who let's his world suffer.
"If I'm going to hell...all my friends are coming with me."
-Jim Morrison
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thankful...
It' Thanksgiving 2010. It doesn't even feel like it! But. you can bet your ass I'm excited =) My brothers are all going to be in one place at the same time, which is rare these days! Even then, my oldest brother Chones won't be with us for the 9th Thanksgiving since he's been murdered. Pretty crazy to think we've come this far without him. Sure I believe he's with us, I'm very big on spiritual belief, but having him physically in a room is far more powerful.
What am I Thankful for?
I'm love SO many people in my life, but there are those who have made me who I am, literally. And those who have got me to where I am today. The following are those who I hold higher than the rest. There is no need to be offended if you are not listed, for I love so many, with so much.
(In no particular order)
DAVID LEI BRANDT has made me the performer I am today. Everything he's performed in musical theatre has inspired me to not only be in musical theatre but to out do myself every time I get on a stage. My whole theatrical "career" I have strived to be as good as David Lei has been, and is on stage. Confidence, stage presence, vocal ability and brother love.
MR. MASTERSON, once in my eyes as the "scary teacher" in the theatre who yelled at me and my band geek friends when we were going down into the theatre basement at Chaffey High School's Winter Fling 2002 where I met his son David Lei. And then once viewed as the teacher and theatre director who can make me cry infront of 40 other advanced drama students, and now a friend and my theatre father. He has pulled SO much out of me. In short, he taught David Lei everything he knows....and I'm so inspired by what David Lei has done and does....so I guess we can trace that back to Mr. Masterson right? So I thank masterson for everything he's given me in these past 8 years.
JON ESPINOZA has gotten through A LOT. My biggest state of depression was about a year and 2 months ago. I was dating someone, who evidently is a whore who went to Paris and hooked up with her ex. NICE. Learned a lot from dating her, but never again, thanks! Jon was there for me, good and bad, this entire past year and 2 months. Writing some of the best songs I've ever written, performing in a musical side by side for the first time ever since Les Miserables 2002, and just spending time together going places and living life like best friends do. Thanks for getting me through so much Jon.
FIASCO! Wow, what an amazing band. Brent, def UP there with one of the best songwriters I've ever written with. He brings so much to the table at a Fiasco! rehearsal. His voice, his stage presence, song writing, love and sacrifice. Without him, Fiasco! is just another garage band. And Brandon, our drummer, wowwwww, if you haven't seen us live, you don't understand how great he is live on stage. I love his humor and talent. He's the comic relief of our band, yet he's such an amazing drummer, who will have your back in any fight you may get in =)
ALFONSO GARCIA & RACHEL ZONNIVILLE have always supported everything I've ever done. Rachel has known me since elementary school and has seen me go through every single band I've ever been in and has NEVER forgotten about me. So much and support and love from her, it's crazy. Alfonso, along with Rachel, supporting everything I do, and at times very blunt about how I've inspired him in his life, and that alone means so much to me. He's so dedicated to theatre, we share so much when it comes to talking about musical theatre, the Beatles and talking shit on people we can't stand.
BROTHERS, I am NOTHING without Daryl, David (Kammo), Dennis and Chones (Dwayne). And I don't say that lightly. Talk about brotherly love....we are inseparable! The moment ONE of us is in a situation, we are all ready to drop anything and run to be together and fight through whatever it is, sometimes, literally. growing up in this has with four older brothers....there is nothing more I can ask for in my life. Because of them, my life is already complete.
MY PARENTS have been through SO MUCH SHIT. They've sacrificed their LIVES for us. So much that I STILL don't know the entire story of how we've become where we are today. And they continue to make a difference in each of our lives. it's unbelievable how much I owe them. They would say, "You don't owe us anything." But I can't wait to buy them everything they've ever dreamed of.
ANTHONY TRUJILLO, although I have not seen or talked to this guy in a year, I've tried many times but apparently some things are just more important than those who love you most. But I don't forget how much he meant to me and still means to me. He is THE BEST musician I've ever worked with. He can write a pretty badass song with in minutes in one sitting. He comes up with ideas that I would never think of. I've always wanted to write and entire album with him, but I'm not too sure if that's gonna happen anymore. But what I do know, is that I've shared some of my greatest days with this guy. Thanks, and I love you <3
JULIAN ARELLANO, such a beautiful soul. I've experience a lot of good times with this guys. Especially from 2004-2006. Great musician , singer, actor and has such a great heart.
ANDREW DUCOTE is def the most charismatic person I've ever met. Everything about him is so bright. I met him working for Disney. We worked together on an average of about once a week in my 2 year run at Disneyland. But in time, we became closer and closer. Even now, I'll make the 1 hour and 10 min drive out to see him because I can't imagine my life without his love, jokes, laughter and amazing ideas. He's an amazing actor and an even better friend. <3
JACOB STEELE. He is the ONLY friend who ACTUALLY moved to New York after he graduated like he said he would. We all had that dream, but Jacob....he actually lived it and still is. With a wife and an apartment. A great job in Times Square and a career in song writing. He is by far the most loved friend I know. And he gives back just as much love if not more. He's song writing skills are genius and his voice is angelic. And though I don't believe in religion, he has a great love for god and of all people, he makes me wanna believe, and that's saying a lot =) Jacob is my only TRUE "Brother from another mother". He is the original. He's everything I love. And though I see him once a year, it's beautiful every time.
DARLINA LOPEZ AND HER FAMILY had gotten me through THE WORSE moment in my life. Since the murder of my brother til about 2 years after. They were my escape and helped me find an out when I knew there was nothing left in life to care about. I dated Darlina at the time, (shortly after the funeral) and she made me forget everything. It was the first time I though I fell in love. And still looking back, I believe in was love because she gave me what no one else could. The entire family, including Wayne and Joey. You all helped me through the most horrid point in my entire life, and I'm sure it just may be the height of what my heart will feel til the end. Thank you. I'm not sure if I;d still be alive today if it weren't for you.
Again, this list can go on and on. But these are the people who made an impact so much on my life that I can't help but pay my respects.
And my life has made some additions with in the last 5 months in whole. A lot of new friends from Camp Rock the Musical, and just a few others I've met along the way. Found someone I wish to spend my everyday with, and I've never been happier...truly. If this is where my life remains, then I can find content in being in the position I'm in, and that's what matters most. <3
Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I hope your family is together on this day, just as mine will be in 4 hours from now.
What am I Thankful for?
I'm love SO many people in my life, but there are those who have made me who I am, literally. And those who have got me to where I am today. The following are those who I hold higher than the rest. There is no need to be offended if you are not listed, for I love so many, with so much.
(In no particular order)
DAVID LEI BRANDT has made me the performer I am today. Everything he's performed in musical theatre has inspired me to not only be in musical theatre but to out do myself every time I get on a stage. My whole theatrical "career" I have strived to be as good as David Lei has been, and is on stage. Confidence, stage presence, vocal ability and brother love.
MR. MASTERSON, once in my eyes as the "scary teacher" in the theatre who yelled at me and my band geek friends when we were going down into the theatre basement at Chaffey High School's Winter Fling 2002 where I met his son David Lei. And then once viewed as the teacher and theatre director who can make me cry infront of 40 other advanced drama students, and now a friend and my theatre father. He has pulled SO much out of me. In short, he taught David Lei everything he knows....and I'm so inspired by what David Lei has done and does....so I guess we can trace that back to Mr. Masterson right? So I thank masterson for everything he's given me in these past 8 years.
JON ESPINOZA has gotten through A LOT. My biggest state of depression was about a year and 2 months ago. I was dating someone, who evidently is a whore who went to Paris and hooked up with her ex. NICE. Learned a lot from dating her, but never again, thanks! Jon was there for me, good and bad, this entire past year and 2 months. Writing some of the best songs I've ever written, performing in a musical side by side for the first time ever since Les Miserables 2002, and just spending time together going places and living life like best friends do. Thanks for getting me through so much Jon.
FIASCO! Wow, what an amazing band. Brent, def UP there with one of the best songwriters I've ever written with. He brings so much to the table at a Fiasco! rehearsal. His voice, his stage presence, song writing, love and sacrifice. Without him, Fiasco! is just another garage band. And Brandon, our drummer, wowwwww, if you haven't seen us live, you don't understand how great he is live on stage. I love his humor and talent. He's the comic relief of our band, yet he's such an amazing drummer, who will have your back in any fight you may get in =)
ALFONSO GARCIA & RACHEL ZONNIVILLE have always supported everything I've ever done. Rachel has known me since elementary school and has seen me go through every single band I've ever been in and has NEVER forgotten about me. So much and support and love from her, it's crazy. Alfonso, along with Rachel, supporting everything I do, and at times very blunt about how I've inspired him in his life, and that alone means so much to me. He's so dedicated to theatre, we share so much when it comes to talking about musical theatre, the Beatles and talking shit on people we can't stand.
BROTHERS, I am NOTHING without Daryl, David (Kammo), Dennis and Chones (Dwayne). And I don't say that lightly. Talk about brotherly love....we are inseparable! The moment ONE of us is in a situation, we are all ready to drop anything and run to be together and fight through whatever it is, sometimes, literally. growing up in this has with four older brothers....there is nothing more I can ask for in my life. Because of them, my life is already complete.
MY PARENTS have been through SO MUCH SHIT. They've sacrificed their LIVES for us. So much that I STILL don't know the entire story of how we've become where we are today. And they continue to make a difference in each of our lives. it's unbelievable how much I owe them. They would say, "You don't owe us anything." But I can't wait to buy them everything they've ever dreamed of.
ANTHONY TRUJILLO, although I have not seen or talked to this guy in a year, I've tried many times but apparently some things are just more important than those who love you most. But I don't forget how much he meant to me and still means to me. He is THE BEST musician I've ever worked with. He can write a pretty badass song with in minutes in one sitting. He comes up with ideas that I would never think of. I've always wanted to write and entire album with him, but I'm not too sure if that's gonna happen anymore. But what I do know, is that I've shared some of my greatest days with this guy. Thanks, and I love you <3
JULIAN ARELLANO, such a beautiful soul. I've experience a lot of good times with this guys. Especially from 2004-2006. Great musician , singer, actor and has such a great heart.
ANDREW DUCOTE is def the most charismatic person I've ever met. Everything about him is so bright. I met him working for Disney. We worked together on an average of about once a week in my 2 year run at Disneyland. But in time, we became closer and closer. Even now, I'll make the 1 hour and 10 min drive out to see him because I can't imagine my life without his love, jokes, laughter and amazing ideas. He's an amazing actor and an even better friend. <3
JACOB STEELE. He is the ONLY friend who ACTUALLY moved to New York after he graduated like he said he would. We all had that dream, but Jacob....he actually lived it and still is. With a wife and an apartment. A great job in Times Square and a career in song writing. He is by far the most loved friend I know. And he gives back just as much love if not more. He's song writing skills are genius and his voice is angelic. And though I don't believe in religion, he has a great love for god and of all people, he makes me wanna believe, and that's saying a lot =) Jacob is my only TRUE "Brother from another mother". He is the original. He's everything I love. And though I see him once a year, it's beautiful every time.
DARLINA LOPEZ AND HER FAMILY had gotten me through THE WORSE moment in my life. Since the murder of my brother til about 2 years after. They were my escape and helped me find an out when I knew there was nothing left in life to care about. I dated Darlina at the time, (shortly after the funeral) and she made me forget everything. It was the first time I though I fell in love. And still looking back, I believe in was love because she gave me what no one else could. The entire family, including Wayne and Joey. You all helped me through the most horrid point in my entire life, and I'm sure it just may be the height of what my heart will feel til the end. Thank you. I'm not sure if I;d still be alive today if it weren't for you.
Again, this list can go on and on. But these are the people who made an impact so much on my life that I can't help but pay my respects.
And my life has made some additions with in the last 5 months in whole. A lot of new friends from Camp Rock the Musical, and just a few others I've met along the way. Found someone I wish to spend my everyday with, and I've never been happier...truly. If this is where my life remains, then I can find content in being in the position I'm in, and that's what matters most. <3
Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I hope your family is together on this day, just as mine will be in 4 hours from now.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
"March of the Meanies"
The title of this blog has nothing to do with what I'm writing about...I just happen to be listening to the The Beatles' "Yellow Submarine" movie soundtrack.
It's been a while since I've blogged, vented, informed...whatever it is that I do. A lot has happened, is happening or is going to happen. I'm both excited and stressed.
Here's where I am today:
I am now 3 weeks into working overnight shifts at Vons in Anaheim Hills. A lot of people freak out when I say Anaheim Hills, but the reason is, Jon and I plan on moving out to Orange County in January 2011. So I wanted to make sure I had a steady job before I made any big decisions. I'm making shit money there but it's Union and in about a month I'm gonna start getting benefits, which is actually pretty amazing cause I've never had insurance in my entire life. Back in the 80's (before I was born), There was a wave of illegal immigrants who corrupted our country and took away all of the great paying jobs in construction, plastering jobs in the specific situation, that my Dad was working on. Keep in mind that my Dad had to GO TO SCHOOL for his profession...and what a slap in the face for illegal aliens to come steal an American's career. Little did we know that would be for the rest of this country's being...but that's a whole nother story. What I'm trying to say is finally I'll have insurance to actually get check ups and be straight up healthy and up to date with what my body is feeling. Also with this job, I'm slowly getting back on track as far as paying my car on time and so on. Hoping to save up for a new laptop and guitar, as well as recording equipment.
I'm eagerly awaiting for my guitarist Brent to get back home from touring with Disney's Allstar Weekend. So happy that he's on tour working with them, but I miss him and my band! My drummer Brandon is working with Rufio on tour as well. We're all just doing so much right now, I miss them like crazy and NEED to perform a Fiasco! show soon. It's been about 3-4 months since I've performed with them =(
Meanwhile, I'm still writing music with Jon. We're called 12 Days In Paris and we're pretty excited to know that we have "fans", family and friends who support what we do. We started out doing this to vent, have fun and record what we've created. Turns out people love it and actually buy our music on iTunes, which means the world to me. It's amazing that people wanna buy the music that I once wrote late night sitting in my room on my futon with coffee. I was just writing in the form of therapy for myself to get over relationships, sluts and hard times. I enjoy what I write, including 12 Days in Paris, Solo and Fiasco!, I'm overwhelmed in the best way possible with the VERY minor "success" I've come across. Every fan/friend I gain and every dollar someone spends on my art, means more than anyone will ever know....anyone. Thank you, I owe it all to YOU and my brother.
We're doing Camp Rock the musical again. I'm really excited to put it up for a second time. I've dedicated my summer of 3 months to this cast and musical, and we're fortunate enough to perform it once again Dec 2-12th. Sadly a lot of people think they don't have to take it as serious as they did the first time we did it. So a lot of the cast is lagging it. But having done 14 musicals by now, I know that opening week of dress rehearsals, every single show and every single cast gets real serious during that time, cause it's "hell week". So I can't wait for that. To me, it's not hell week, it's what I crave and live for. And still, I think there are some cast members who are in this for the "fame"......exactly......what??? People joined this cast thinking we were gonna be famous Disney stars. I never thought that for one second. Though it's AWESOME that we were on the Disney Channel, I never thought it would make me any money or get me anywhere. This is just another musical I'm devoting my life to hoping there's an audience who will appreciate what we do.
The holidays are coming up...can't wait for Thanksgiving. And then Christmas?? Hell yes. I love it. And then the New Year will start...I wonder what the future holds. The good and bad. I wonder where I'll be this time next year.
For those who read my blogs...thanks. I started this to blog my life so I can have something to reread in time, and learn from my own "wise words". It helps so much to vent on here. But thanks to those of who take time out of your day to learn about my life and see what my mind has in store. I appreciate the love <3
It's been a while since I've blogged, vented, informed...whatever it is that I do. A lot has happened, is happening or is going to happen. I'm both excited and stressed.
Here's where I am today:
I am now 3 weeks into working overnight shifts at Vons in Anaheim Hills. A lot of people freak out when I say Anaheim Hills, but the reason is, Jon and I plan on moving out to Orange County in January 2011. So I wanted to make sure I had a steady job before I made any big decisions. I'm making shit money there but it's Union and in about a month I'm gonna start getting benefits, which is actually pretty amazing cause I've never had insurance in my entire life. Back in the 80's (before I was born), There was a wave of illegal immigrants who corrupted our country and took away all of the great paying jobs in construction, plastering jobs in the specific situation, that my Dad was working on. Keep in mind that my Dad had to GO TO SCHOOL for his profession...and what a slap in the face for illegal aliens to come steal an American's career. Little did we know that would be for the rest of this country's being...but that's a whole nother story. What I'm trying to say is finally I'll have insurance to actually get check ups and be straight up healthy and up to date with what my body is feeling. Also with this job, I'm slowly getting back on track as far as paying my car on time and so on. Hoping to save up for a new laptop and guitar, as well as recording equipment.
I'm eagerly awaiting for my guitarist Brent to get back home from touring with Disney's Allstar Weekend. So happy that he's on tour working with them, but I miss him and my band! My drummer Brandon is working with Rufio on tour as well. We're all just doing so much right now, I miss them like crazy and NEED to perform a Fiasco! show soon. It's been about 3-4 months since I've performed with them =(
Meanwhile, I'm still writing music with Jon. We're called 12 Days In Paris and we're pretty excited to know that we have "fans", family and friends who support what we do. We started out doing this to vent, have fun and record what we've created. Turns out people love it and actually buy our music on iTunes, which means the world to me. It's amazing that people wanna buy the music that I once wrote late night sitting in my room on my futon with coffee. I was just writing in the form of therapy for myself to get over relationships, sluts and hard times. I enjoy what I write, including 12 Days in Paris, Solo and Fiasco!, I'm overwhelmed in the best way possible with the VERY minor "success" I've come across. Every fan/friend I gain and every dollar someone spends on my art, means more than anyone will ever know....anyone. Thank you, I owe it all to YOU and my brother.
We're doing Camp Rock the musical again. I'm really excited to put it up for a second time. I've dedicated my summer of 3 months to this cast and musical, and we're fortunate enough to perform it once again Dec 2-12th. Sadly a lot of people think they don't have to take it as serious as they did the first time we did it. So a lot of the cast is lagging it. But having done 14 musicals by now, I know that opening week of dress rehearsals, every single show and every single cast gets real serious during that time, cause it's "hell week". So I can't wait for that. To me, it's not hell week, it's what I crave and live for. And still, I think there are some cast members who are in this for the "fame"......exactly......what??? People joined this cast thinking we were gonna be famous Disney stars. I never thought that for one second. Though it's AWESOME that we were on the Disney Channel, I never thought it would make me any money or get me anywhere. This is just another musical I'm devoting my life to hoping there's an audience who will appreciate what we do.
The holidays are coming up...can't wait for Thanksgiving. And then Christmas?? Hell yes. I love it. And then the New Year will start...I wonder what the future holds. The good and bad. I wonder where I'll be this time next year.
For those who read my blogs...thanks. I started this to blog my life so I can have something to reread in time, and learn from my own "wise words". It helps so much to vent on here. But thanks to those of who take time out of your day to learn about my life and see what my mind has in store. I appreciate the love <3
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