Where do we go...

This would all be better if my brother was never killed. Life, relationships, decisions. It changes everything. Let alone the fact, having my brother here. And life goes on...

These times will pass by...

I must say...

...there are times I wish I believed in a "god". I miss the days where I felt I can throw all of my problems onto someone else, something else, this god. I feel like maybe my days and nights would go over a bit easier. When times are hard, I now have to face the problems like a human being, not someone who believes in fairy tales. Tonight is one of those nights, where nothing feels quite right. Wish I could throw it all on you. Not you, but you know what I mean.

Til i find the days are going my way, I will have face the fact that I'm here alone, without any higher power to "take control"...or so it would seem. But I suppose this is the price I pay to be free. And it's worth every penny.

Daniel 10:07pm

This house holds more than just appliances.

Saturday mornings...back when I was about 9, 10 years young, I would wake every Saturday morning to all of my brothers running the house. My parents usually trying to relax from the crazy week we put them through, but now it's the weekend, which meant that it's our time to rule the house. Every weekend our life was invested into some type of sport or activity. Truly, not ONE weekend was ever free. I wish I could give my parents a nationally recognized award for this.

Growing up, there were five of us. Boys. And then my Mom and Dad, who are still together to this day. These days, this home only houses me, my brother Daryl, my Mom and my Dad. Today I woke up hearing my brother Daryl playing Beatles Rock Band. A few songs from the greatest band this world has and will ever know, along with drum sticks pounding on the rock band plastic "drum set". Doesn't sound too pleasant, and usually isn't, but today it reminded me of my entire life.

I shared a room with Daryl til I was 14 and he was 15. When he woke up, that usually meant that I was waking up as well. We'd start playing playstation together or playing with our Power Ranger toys. And the music coming from our room was either Spice Girls, Hanson, Blink 182, Backstreet Boys (sometimes) or some random oldies. The next room over was Dennis's and David's room. Always playing from their room was either Bone Thugs N Harmony, Dr Dre, Green Day, Foo Fighters, Goldfinger, Reel Big Fish, The Offspring, or some random "modern" R&B radio pop jams. And the next room down from there was our oldest brother Dwayne's room, always listening to Vanilla Ice, crazy DJ tracks, and some Hip Hop and House music. And once in a while my mom felt the need to put on some Sher and Gloria Estefan. So you can imagine how crazy my house was. It was a circus. Every room, blaring a different style of music.

I miss having this house filled with brothers. It's sad to know it'll never be the same, no matter what. Sometimes I wish all of my brothers would move back in, just so we can feel that feeling again. But let's not get out of line now.

At least I have these moments to look back on and cherish as if they're of priceless value, because in the end, no amount of money can purchase the love built here in this home. And I can only hope that I raise a family so similar to mine.

The hippie, the artist, the thug, the athlete, and the rocker.

My house was...is a historical land mark.

Daniel

12:00 noon

Sunflowers

It's these times, I realize that life would be so different if my brother were still here. Everything would be, music, art, family, holidays, relationships, love and his garden.

Daniel

11:00am

April 2nd, 2010