World Premiere of Camp Rock the Musical

It's 2:16am...

just now got home from what is one the greatest days of my life. It's all so unreal that it really feels like I'm dreaming. Today was our first Camp Rock cast meeting/rehearsal. Everyone there was great, AMAZING personalities and GREAT talent. A cast of 100 people can really overwhelm you when you're used to casts from 40-60 tops. I've met a lot of new friends, and it's only the first day. I wonder what will come of it all.

At the end of rehearsal our director kept a select few of the cast members to be considered and finalized as the leads of the show. All very stressful for the past month or so, working so hard to get a lead role..though very happy to even be a part of something SO huge. For those who don't know, Disney had asked our Director to be the very first to produced the World Premiere of Disney's Camp Rock the Musical live on stage. NO ONE has done this before.

At the end of today's rehearsal, it was announced that I will be playing the part of Shane Grey, which is portrayed by Joe Jonas in the original feature films, Camp Rock 1 and 2. I am TRULY grateful for this opportunity. It's unreal. I will be the first person to portray Shane Grey/Joe Jonas in this live on stage musical, Camp Rock: The Final Jam. I am so thankful to be a part of this great production.

And taking the stage with me among the amazingly talented 100 person cast are a lot of my great friends Tasha, Gabe, Tyler, Alfonso and my best friend Jon. I haven't acted side by side with him since Les Miserables back in 2002. He was about 11 years old and I was 15. And my leading love interest for the show is Leanna Arredondo playing the part of Mitchie which was made famous by Demi Lovato. Leanna is another great friend who I can't wait to perform with....so much talent, it's gonna be an adventure.

We have rehearsal almost every single day, I can't ask for anything more. I'm so excited to see where this takes us all, as friends and as performers.

Look out for ads on TV because a camera crew will be coming to our rehearsals to get some footage of our production of Camp Rock to promote it on one of, if not THE biggest television channel in the world, of course, the Disney Channel.

This show opens August 5th 2010 and runs the 6th, 7th, 8th, 12th, 13th, 14th, 15th and closes Monday the 16th of August.

This is going to be sooo much fun.

LML.

I like to smile when my wallet is filled with a couple hundred dollars.

Ever realize that money is the root of all happiness? Let's be real...If you're broke, you're not happy whatsoever. I've been in many different financial situations in my life, even at the age of 23. I've been BROKE, I've been comfortable, and I've been well off for what it is. And I can tell you, I've been happiest when I was "well off". Definitely NO problems. Everything I needed I had, everything I wanted, I bought. Hanging out with friends, working out, eating healthier, or just eating out at restaurants of my choice...it all made my life so much happier. Whoever came up with "(The love of) Money is the root of all Evil" is OUT OF THEIR MINDS. Clearly they've never been broke before. Money completes all things, sad, but true. I can't wait til I'm filthy rich. Filthy. Rich. Let's take this moment to appreciate that I'm broke......haha, yeah right.

Like a slow moving hurricane

It's rare that I write 'poetry', I wrote this a while back and just now found it. I would love to share it with who ever may care to read it.

"Like a slow moving hurricane."

Depression sets in like a slow moving hurricane
She sleeps well, while I stay awake from breathing deep like a heart transplant patient's chest pain
I can't feel what it's like to be loved again
There's a hole in my chest, where her head used to rest.
And now this colored screen plays the dvd for no one to see while I try my best, and put my patience to the test
Hoping in time this'll all change, like the light bulb in the sun that projects light rays that travel and reflect the blue off her eyes
Painting a picture as beautiful as the world's ocean at sunrise, in the sky.

She searches deep for something meaning more than what she thought it'd be
In the end it was words on paper like caution text warning you how to go about life safer
But like the print on bottles and boxes, numbers and letters stating nutritional facts on plastic paper
It's small ink that no one cares to read, and he just so happen to write it smaller than your contacts can see

So he left you alone, romantic nights you spent at home
Laying in bed in a white dress
Nothing to hold onto but your pillow case over flowing with your wedding day's regrets
So this is the night that you dreamed of all your life, ever since you were young
Instead of the white aisle of pedals and transparent bubbles
Your walking down a row of books that read "Fiction", foreshadowing your marriage situation
Walk backward into the morning's realization, walk away before you're bleeding and left to uphold evidence that lead to his Conviction of your condition

Now you've reached your peak
Looking through this kaleidoscope, finding you're missing so much more than just one piece
Years went on with hands tattered and torn from every female he beats
Take a look back on your past and view that he's used every code that enables foreign remote control cheats
It's time to fill those wounds with soil and seeds
We'll watch the flowers grow
We'll watch them bloom from day into night
Take hold of these angelic wings, use them to soar the canvas skies
I find truth and love in watching the magic in your eyes light up the night like multi colored fireflies

Waiting to wake up

So unreal. Everything. Everything seems so fake right now. A good friend of mine committed suicide this last weekend. I met him when I hired into Disneyland, (which still to this day, the best thing I've ever done was audition for that company). Instantly, Allix became a brother. I hadn't seen him for an entire year now, til last wednesday when I went to Disneyland and saw him working. It was like we never "left" each other. It was amazing and I couldn't have asked for a better goodbye. I was broken the night I heard about his death, and last night was his Wake, and today was the funeral. I'm holding it all very well now, but assume it's because I got it all out the first night. I wrote a song for him called "He's Just Lost", and it's by far one of my favorite songs I've ever written.
The point of this post is that it all just seems so fake. Last night I saw his body in a coffin, horrible right? Well as I was looking at his body, I was just "waiting to wake up", so I didn't break down, I stood there and thought to myself and told him that I'll continue my solo career always, because he was such a fan of my acoustic music. Watching all of my Disney friends walk into the church, crying, depressed, in distress, it was not cool. Usually when I see these friends, it's always at Disneyland or at a party/dinner/get together, and it's ALWAYS fun times, this is the first time that it just wasn't okay. All such a crazy experience.
Lately I've been extremely broke, doing all things/projects for free trying to find new artists to collaborate with on film, writing, music and much more, but problem is, is that I do it for free thinking it'll pay off in the long run, problem is, I need it to pay now, not later. So it's tough. Just overall it's not a great situation to be in right now. Luckily I have amazing friends. From all over. From Disney friends to my theatre friends who keep me distracted and keep me smiling =)

Thank you all. Special thanks to one amazing friend who makes me want the best of all worlds, Jon Jon. It's unbelievable how alive he makes me feel <3

And we'll get through this too...

Today/Yesterday a good friend of mine committed suicide. I met him shortly after auditioning and getting hired to work entertainment at Disneyland. I have a lot goin on in my mind right now, and must get some rest. Before I do, I write this in remembrance of this horrible day. Allix was truly an amazing person, and one of those that never seemed like he was ever depressed or out of the loop. He really was the life of the party and made everyday worth clocking in for. I saw him two days ago at Disney. I went as a guest with my niece and my mom, thanks to Karen we were able to get in free that day. While in costume, he went out of his way and ditched a line of about 40 people just so he can et my attention and say "What's up motha fuckaaa!!" haha. And gladly enough, my mom had her camera and took that picture of that last moment I shared with him. I'm gonna miss this guy like crazy. This all really feels like a dream to me. Every moment so unreal. I wonder if he can feel the love we all have for him here. And if there's a god, and a heaven and hell....I know for a fact that he's in heaven. I don't believe in god, or a god, and because of that, I'm able to understand and know that this happen because of human nature and the fact that there are triggers in each of our minds that make us think, say and do different things, and sometimes, things that aren't of our norm. And those who believe in a religion, that's great as well, because you have your reasoning behind it all as well. And either way, as long as you find comfort in what you believe and that it helps your through the shittiest of times, then that's when it really counts. Just as Christianity helped me through my brother's murder in 2001.

For the record, I love every single one of my friends. Disney, Chaffey High School, Fiasco!, Theatre friends, Family, Home Depot, and all the other places I've come in contact with. You all mean the world to me.

Special love and thanks to Andrew Ducote and Trey Everett for the endless amount of love and comfort I was given at Allix's memorial get together tonight. <3

It's only up from here.

Sometimes I stop and look at the life I'm living. There has not been one thing that I have said "I should have done that..." or "wish I would have done that differently". There's so much I have done in my life by just living in this mediocre city...and there's so much more out there for me to conquer I can't wait.

Sometimes we get caught up in what we're doing and we don't appreciate what we have, or what we've done, or what's gonna come out of the present project or movement. I'm very much involved in the arts, one way or another. I'm living the life that I've always wanted to live and it's only up from here. Sure I'm broke...literally $1 to my name, besides the extreme debt that I'm currently in, and sure I'm still living at home with my parents...but with out these things, I really wouldn't be who I am, and I wouldn't appreciate what's to come. I'm surrounded by SO MANY talented friends...who all mean so much to me. Lot's of musicians, actors, singers and dancers. Not to mention writers and people who just have a passion for the arts. It's all a matter of time, really. And it's all gonna break loose. So I write this...so that I will never forget the position I was once in. Though broke, and not exactly in the position I would love to be in, I am still living the dream. And I'm loving every minute of it.

Thank you all. Family, friends and fans, there is absolutely no way for me to do what I love to do if it weren't for you. I'll remember this forever and I will give it all back. I promise. One way or another. <3

We just need someone to show us the ways...

How do we fix this? We don't. We walk, we talk, and we watch it all fall down. I am afraid. The moment I declare my feelings, my situation, and the moment my heart pours out into words and actions...there's always something more telling me to hold back, walk away and play the game. And it's not even the game, it's something that I can't even explain. In the end, will I be happy? I will be successful, yes. Happy? I don't think that's possible anymore. Sure, this doesn't make sense to you, but it's for me. When I feel it, I vent. Not many would understand so I don't talk about it. Here I type behind fog and mirrors, and maybe you can take something from it.

Sometimes I wonder if I can even take something from this.

Maybe I'll fall asleep now, dream about something that will make me feel like I'm flying in the arms of one so protective.

There are better things. We just need someone to show us the way.

Where do we go...